Do you need some help achieving a happy parenting experience? Are you currently feeling happy being a parent? Do you enjoy the way you’re being a mom or a dad to your child most of the time? You’ll probably not be surprised to learn that quite a few moms & dads really aren’t enjoying being one even though they deeply love their children. Being a happy parent is achievable and can be a very positive experience if you learn how to avoid certain common mistakes & behaviors that plague nearly every family at some time or another.
If being a mom or dad is basically making you feel bad much of the time and an fairly unpleasant person to be around for both your partner and your children as well, the following behaviors may explain why and help you become a happier parent and person.
You Should Avoid These 5 Happy Parenting Mistakes
#1 Avoid Constant Worry As Much As Possible
How much time do you spend worrying about your children, their choices, their health and their future? Do you worry that your children will fall in with the wrong crowd. Do you get the feeling that you spend way too much time worrying that your child won’t get into the college of their dreams? You fret about things such as your daughter becoming pregnant or your son getting his girlfriend pregnant.
Your feeling worry when you think about your children will use marijuana, opioids or other popular drugs. You worry that your child may get hooked on things such as alcohol. You will want to let go of these thoughts because if your spend too much time thinking or worrying about them, you can easily “stir-fry” you brain and happy parenting will seem like an illusion mirage and you’ll get to the point that the next thing you’ll need is medical attention.
Stop worrying! From time to time, your children are going to get into trouble and make mistakes, so let your child experience life’s mistakes and learn from them … just as you did when you were a child. You want to … but you can’t control everything that your children do even if you try, but you can make sure that you provide your child or children with the right tools and the chance to learn how to use those tools. Let them know that you love them even when they make mistakes. This will help them love and believe in themselves. This will also want to help let your children make the right choices and that will also will help make you a happy parent. Your children will test you from time-to-time just as you tested your mom or dad when you were a child. It’s the cycle of life. Embrace this reality and do your best but do not “constantly” worry about your child.
#2 – Remember To Trust Your Own Advice
You listen to others, but also make sure that you take the time to listen to yourself as well. It’s perfectly OK to ask others for their advice, but don’t believe that everyone else’s advice and the way they parent has value and feel that yours has none … that’s simply NEVER the case.
You don’t have to accept help and the the things you hear from experts & gurus’ as gospel or believe everything you read. Use what makes sense and ignore the things that don’t. It’s your job to examine the help your offered and decide if it makes sense for your family.
It’s fine to ask for help, but don’t be afraid to trust your own intuition. And it’s OK to read some good books on healthy families to stimulate your thinking and expose you to different approaches. Expanding your knowledge base is always a good idea. You’ll be happy you read a few helpful parenting books.
#3 – Stop Comparing Yourself To Other Parents
Do you compare your parenting skills to the skills of other parents? You compare your child to other children. Well, simply try to let go and stop comparing yourself to other parents. You are going to as well some of the time. You will likely pick the parents who “appear” to have happy and perfect kids. Remember, there are no such beings as “perfect” kids or “perfect” parent.
You may feel or think that they are the better parents in the world but realistically, you don’t live with them 24/7 so you “really” don’t know what’s happening in their family behind closed doors. They may “look” happy but likely they aren’t as happy as they appear.
They may actually be very poor parents who have learned how to “appear” to be happy or perfect parents when they’re out in the public eye. Simply be the best parent you can be and stop comparing your skills to other parents … it will only make you feel bad and not provide you with any meaningful information.
#4 – Stop Parenting Unconsciously & Automatically
Parenting unconsciously simply means that you don’t give much thought to your parenting style or effectiveness. Honest self-reflection is a very valuable tool to every parent and for that matter every child as well.
You simply fall into your daily routines that soon takes over your life. If you don’t think what you are doing is producing the kind of results you want … why continue?
When you take your child to school … take a different route. Schedule family time at different times each week and in different places. Become a bigger part of your kids lives & activities.
Remember, you have 60,000 or more thoughts going through your head every day that may affect your parenting. If you’re constantly thinking negative thoughts about parenting, they will certainly affect your parenting style & effectiveness.
Stop every now and again and be mindful of your thoughts. What are you thinking? How are these thoughts serving you and your family or your child? Once you begin to notice where your thoughts go, you’ll be able to change them. It will have a positive impact on your parenting skills and your child. Think about being grateful for all of the good things in your life and all of the love you give and receive.
#5 – Stop Trying To “Change” Your Child, You Can’t
Trying to change your kids is futile. You can’t change anyone — you can only change yourself. Once your children are born in many ways they are their own master. It’s called “free will” and we all come with one. Free will means that making choices are rights reserved for every person from birth. You can micromanage your kinds if you want to drive them and you absolutely crazy. The best path is to get to know them as well as you can and then create opportunities for them to discover themselves. They have every right to be who they are .. the same right that you had. You may not like to hear this but it’s true.
Accept your children, flaws and all. Don’t you want to be accepted? Didn’t you wish your parents would let you be who you wanted to be? The world would be a better place if we’d stop trying to change each other. Your kids will eventually figure out who they are. For now, allow them to be kids.
If you’ve been stressing out over being a parent, stop it! You won’t be a good parent to your kids if you constantly worry or suffer from ‘monkey mind’ syndrome. Parenting can be a joyful experience if that is what you desire. If you prefer to have ‘drama-rama’ in your life then by all means keep worrying and doing what you’re doing. If you’d like to enjoy your kids and family, shift your perspective around parenting and watch as your world becomes transformed.